When Chuck Norris stares at the sun, the sun looks away.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

Gravity exists because Chuck Norris told the Earth to stay down.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

When Chuck Norris walks into a room, even the chairs stand up.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light.

Chuck Norris eats nails for breakfast. Without any milk.

Chuck Norris can punch a cyclone and turn it into a light breeze.

Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.

Chuck Norris was once charged with attempted murder. The word attempted was dropped because Chuck Norris does not attempt anything.

Chuck Norris's computer has no delete key. Chuck Norris never makes mistakes.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters because not even glass is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you have ever tasted.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

A bear trap once caught Chuck Norris. The bear trap had to gnaw off its own leg to escape.

Chuck Norris can uninstall a virus by staring at the screen.

When Chuck Norris cuts onions, the onions cry.